Purposeful Social Selling

Belief Outsourcing Ep #115

Jul 11, 2022

You know that having a strong belief in your goals, your business, and yourself is imperative for success, but you’re not sure where to start. Self-belief is not taught to us as kids. Most of us are used to having our parents, teachers, and teammates cheer us on. We’ve learned to depend on other people’s belief in us, including when setting big business goals. But other people aren’t always there to cheer you on and validate you. You must learn to believe in yourself when no one else does. 

Building self-belief is powerful work, and Kristen’s sharing a fun episode on how to do this today:

Here are a few highlights:

  • How to know when you’re outsourcing your belief
  • What to do when you have doubters/no one is applauding you
  • The difference between acting with an inflated ego and taking action from a deep belief in your potential
  • How to practice safety with yourself to help build your belief

You don’t need anyone else to believe in you. Learn to hype yourself up when it feels like you have an audience of one person. This will allow you to go out there and take action towards your goal no matter what.

Connect with Kristen:

If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com

Interested in Kristen’s exclusive mastermind for six-figure earners in the network marketing industry? Get all the details and join the waitlist here.


Do you have a business full of customers and almost no builders? You’re in need of a reboot! Learn the three skills you can learn that will completely change your recruitment game. Check it out here.

Transcript for Episode #115 Belief Outsourcing:

Kristen Boss (00:49):

Kristen Boss (00:05):

Welcome to purposeful social selling with Kristen boss. I’m your host, Kristen boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business. In today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way.

Kristen Boss (00:48):

Hey bosses. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I’m excited this week. It’s gonna be a short sweet episode, but one that I hope will prompt you to do some thinking. I was thinking about this concept about this idea of growing your belief and building your belief. And sometimes when people aren’t taking action in their business, they’re not seeing the results they say, I just need more belief, but they don’t know how to grow their belief. And what I noticed that’s quite common with business owners is I see people tend to outsource their belief, their belief in their goals, the belief in the possibility of their goals, the belief in themselves and who they are. And they’re constantly because they’re outsourcing the belief because they don’t have that belief themselves. And they’re not sitting down and cultivating that belief on a daily basis. What happens is they end up looking to other people to build the belief for them.

Kristen Boss (01:45):

They’re looking to their coach or their upline, or a friend or a spouse. They’re constantly saying, Hey, okay, tell me that. I’m good at this again. Tell me that it’s possible. Tell me that I can, or you know, they’re looking to, you know, that outer validation, they’re looking for somebody to do the belief work for them. That means you’re constantly looking for somebody to hype you up, cheer you up. When you’re down, you’re waiting for somebody to come and pick you up on a bad day. You feel like it’s other people’s responsibility to make you feel better when you’re discouraged. And you might notice you’re doing this. If you’re constantly coming to, you know, your, a friend, a spouse, your partner, your coach, your upline, and like constantly, verbally vomiting on them. You know, your sadness, your discouragement, and expecting them to do all the labor to pick you up off the floor and dust off your butt and give you a little pat and say, go get ’em tiger.

Kristen Boss (02:43):

You know, but that’s, that’s just not real life. We’re not always gonna have people that are available for us to do that. And honestly, I want you to think how you feel when somebody’s calling you and complaining about their life, complaining that nothing’s working. Like, do you enjoy being on the receiving end of that? Do you enjoy when somebody comes to you with that mindset or do you find yourself exhausted, depleted, wanting to avoid the call? It might be that right. And here’s what I wanna offer you. I want you to work on cultivating your belief every single day, without looking to the person next to you, a friend or anybody else to do that work for you, not waiting for somebody to hype you up to motivate you, not waiting for, you know, suddenly for there to be a timeline or a deadline or a bonus or some sense of external urgency to compel you to show up today.

Kristen Boss (03:40):

But what it looks like to believe in yourself when you feel like nobody, else’s when you feel like nobody’s applauding and nobody’s saying good job. And nobody’s saying way to go and you’ll know you are belief outsourcing. When you feel deflated and defeated. When somebody comes to you with skepticism or criticism or their own doubt about your goal, you kind of borrow that for them. You’re, you’re constantly borrowing any energy from others. So if somebody’s doubting your goal, you doubt yourself too. If somebody hypes you up, now you believe it too. What happens is now you have, you know, a codependent belief system where you’re dependent on somebody else to grow your belief, instead of looking to yourself and say, how do I believe in myself today? And what am I willing to do? I was listening to this song by imagine dragons. And it’s called number one, you know, your own, like, it’s your own number one fan.

Kristen Boss (04:38):

And when I listened to the lyrics, I was working out and I was listening to the lyrics and I like stopped mid lift. And I was like, I even think I rewound the songs. I’m like, I need, I need to listen to this again. And I’m just gonna read the lyrics of what kind of caused me to stop in my tracks and say, this is what got me through. This is what helped me stay in day and day out. So here’s the lyrics. It’s could someone take me home where I’m supposed to be? I’m on my back again, caught up in something. Could someone take me home? I could use a friendly face. These leaches got to go. Yeah. I need a safe space. And I’m thinking like those Lees are maybe people you’re doubters, you’re haters. You’re people that aren’t supporting you. The negativity.

Kristen Boss (05:20):

They just suck that dry. Right? And you’re just craving a safe space in order to, you know, cultivate your dream and grow your dream and believe in it. Then the next lyrics. When am I gonna learn? I’ve gotta let things go. I’m just watching my candle burn. Cause I know what I’m meant to be. I don’t need no one to believe. Hello. <laugh> I know what I’m meant to be. I don’t need no one to believe, but so many of you feel like you need someone to believe in you. You walk around needing belief from others, needing your partner to support you, needing your friend, to understand what you’re doing, needing your family, to get it needing the people that you hi, that you went to high school with to understand what you’re doing and cheer you on and say good job. But what if none of that is happening? What if nobody is applauding you and saying, good job. What if nobody is doing that? Are you going to be responsible for holding your own belief and the lyrics keep going? When it’s all been said and done, I’m still my number one, cuz I know what I’m meant to be. These people might not see when it’s all been said and done. I’m still my number one.

Kristen Boss (06:40):

How powerful is that? When it’s all said and done being your own number one, it’s not being like conflated or inflated with your massive ego, thinking that you’re better than everybody else. That’s not what this is about. This is about like, are you willing to be your own number one fan first? Are you willing to think, man, I know where I’m going. I know where I’m going and I don’t need you to believe it or you to believe it or you to believe it. And when I get there, I’m gonna show you. I’ll never forget. I, when I was still doing hair, I had a client that was telling me, I was telling him where, what I wanted to do. And I was like, I’m gonna have a book someday. He’s like, invite me to your book signing. And we just talked about it. We joked.

Kristen Boss (07:16):

And this was probably, I don’t know, four or five years ago. And he’s like, he’s like, I just know, I’ll see you at a book signing someday. I didn’t, you guys didn’t even know what I was gonna write about four years ago. I just knew I had a book in me somewhere in me. I knew I was gonna write a book. And I remember once I told my salon owner where I was working, I just said to him, I was like, Hey, you know, I’m not gonna be here very long. One day, you’re gonna see me pulling up in a nice sporty car and I’m not, not gonna be a hair stylist anymore. And I’m gonna come in here as a client and the owner. He was just so great. He said, you know, I believe you, I believe you. And that was me. And honestly I didn’t need that belief from him.

Kristen Boss (07:52):

I didn’t need it from my customer, but I was living with so much conviction. That that was going to be my reality again. I know what I meant to be and I don’t need no one to believe when it’s all been said and done, I’m still my number one. Are you your number one right now? Are you hyping yourself up when nobody else is? Are you hyping yourself up? When it feels like you’re playing for an audience of one, are you able to still believe, yep. This is exactly where I’m going. Even if no one’s applauding me, there’s not a soul in the stands. And I still believe in the work I’m doing this, this concept of, when am I gonna learn? I’ve gotta let things go. It’s this idea of, I have to let go of needing permission, needing someone’s blessing, needing someone to understand it, needing somebody to get it, needing somebody to applaud it. Bless it, believe in it, letting that go.

Kristen Boss (08:47):

Because if you can’t let it go, if you’re always going to be waiting for somebody’s approval, waiting for people to applaud you, you’re just gonna be watching your candle burn, burn, just like the lyric. Like these are profound lyrics. You guys. And I’m like, I have to talk about this in a podcast, listen to the song. It’s so powerful. This idea of like these leeches, they have to go, I need a safe space. You know, the safest space is the safe space you create for yourself and how to do that is creating a safe space with your thoughts, how you think about yourself. But if every time it goes quiet and you’re not distracted with your phone or watching Netflix or reading or working out or eating or online shopping, if all those things are gone and you were left with stillness, would your thoughts be kind or would you be terrified of what your brain might tell you in the quiet, in the stillness?

Kristen Boss (09:47):

That might be why you are so dang busy and there’s no white space. Because as soon as you give yourself space, then your brain’s gonna start offering you thoughts. In order to create space, you have to have safety, self safety and be like, I’m safe with myself knowing that if I take some downtime, I’m not gonna have all these stories that I’m worthless. I should be doing something I’m not good enough. Right? That’s when we don’t feel safe with ourselves and we run off to, and then we look for it either from other people or other things.

Kristen Boss (10:21):

But if you wanna create a safe space, you’re responsible for doing that yourself. What does it mean to create emotional and mental safety for yourself? No matter what, when you do that, when you feel safe with yourself, what happens is when somebody doesn’t believe you, when somebody questions, you, when somebody doubts you, when somebody tells you that you’re doing something crazy and they don’t support it, they don’t get it. They think you should stop. When that happens, instead of believing them because you’re not belief outsourcing to them anymore. You’re not constantly looking to them to do the belief work for you. When you have self safety, what happens is you can say, okay, that’s your opinion, not a problem. I know what I’m meant to be. And I don’t need no one to believe when it’s all been said and done. I’m still my number one.

Kristen Boss (11:06):

That is my challenge for you today. Will you be your number one? I was my number one for a very long time and I still am. I’ll tell you what I got <laugh> I got a negative review on Amazon and I laughed. Did it hurt a little bit? Yeah, it totally did. But at the end of the day, I’m like, Nope, I’m still my number one. I know it’s a good book. I know this book can change lives. In fact, it was, it was so sweet. I was at a convention recently and I was doing a book signing and people, I was so humbled. I was so humbled by some of the things people said to me, I had someone hug me and she was crying <laugh> and, and I had this one gal come up to me and I think she she’s was probably in her seventies.

Kristen Boss (11:46):

And she said, you know, she kind of came up to me. Like, I felt like she was my grandma. She was the coolest person. She’s like, I just want you to know, like you you’re even speaking to me and your work matters to me. And it was just this sweet tender moment. And you know, I remember those things I re I, I remember the people I’m serving and the people I’m impacting so that the days come when there’s a hater, when someone tells me like, you know, I, I can’t support you as a coach because I can’t support the industry that you coach. I’m like, okay, that’s fine. You can have that opinion on me. Like, there are literally people that don’t endorse me as a coach, simply because of the industry, because I coach a lot of social sellers because I coach I’m like, have you, and I wanna, I still badly wanna engage with them and say, you know why I coach that industry?

Kristen Boss (12:33):

Right? Like, you know why I’m trying to help the industry, right? Like, why would I I’m I’m trying to elevate it. I’m trying to improve it and help it be better. Okay. You don’t have to get it, but I don’t. You don’t, I don’t own explanation to anybody. And you don’t either because some people it’s not worth explaining to some people don’t want your explanation. They just wanna hear themselves talk. They just wanna, they just wanna be right. And you to be wrong. Again, these leeches, they gotta go <laugh> you need to save space. You gotta create that with yourself. And you gotta learn to let things go. You gotta stop waiting for people. Otherwise you’re gonna be waiting forever. Never taking action, constantly waiting for your dreams to happen to you. And they won’t dreams. Don’t just happen. You have to go out there and take daily action.

Kristen Boss (13:15):

And you can only take action when you have your own back and you are your own number one fan first. And I’m, again, I’m not saying this from a huge inflated ego place. I’m saying this from like a really tender, compassionate, human place and saying, I’m so proud of me and this work matters and I’m gonna keep doing it. And I’m gonna keep going day after day. Even when nobody’s applauding me, I know where I’m meant to go. I know who I’m meant to be. These people might not see today. They might not see it. But when it’s all been said and done, I’m still my number one. I hope today. You will be your own number one. We’ll catch you next week.

Kristen Boss (13:56):

That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done a different way. And if you are ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the social selling academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals in the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or have been in the industry for a while. This is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.

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